I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The feeling are messing with the penis
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
