so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
