Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
