I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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