There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
