Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
