How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
