May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
