i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize