And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
