Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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