can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
