those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
