I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
