i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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