the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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