Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
