In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
