My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I fill condoms, not promises.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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