He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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