maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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