then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
