No stitches, just platelets and will power
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
