with your own penis?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
