I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
