I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
