Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
