He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
