STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
