question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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