sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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