Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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