Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
