Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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