new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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