you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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