i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize