$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
