Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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