If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
