So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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