she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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