i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
And then he peed in my hair
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize