At least make sure they are 18
Why
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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