I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
