Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
