you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize