You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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