Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
