My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
