what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
