I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
