Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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