I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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