I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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