Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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