get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize